Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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