onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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