meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
