I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
