You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
