They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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