just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize