the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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