Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
