My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
