bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
