This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The ass gains better be worth it
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