Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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