Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
