bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
