My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
