Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize