i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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