I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
