Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
