he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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