now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
