I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
