Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
