This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
