one might say we're banned from that church
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
