We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
