I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
