dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
