Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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