I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
