she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
