i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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