She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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