I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
