what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
