i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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