When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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