Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
