Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
