I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
