I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
