she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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