make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
