Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
