I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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