Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
