oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
