I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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