you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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