That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
