Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
