Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
