I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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