Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
