I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
