She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
