I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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