so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
