Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
