he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
