I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize