Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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