so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
