thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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