DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
