Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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