dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
