Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
