kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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