I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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