You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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