well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
